Monday, November 22, 2010

The Face Thing...

*Disclaimer: This post may be slightly inappropriate. That's how I know you'll like it.*

As of yesterday, we are officially at 37 weeks, which is considered full term. Holy crap.

Friday morning was my 36 week doctor's appointment. This marks the beginning of the end - the first of my now weekly appointments, and the first "internal" exam since very early on in this process.

The appointment started out pretty normally. Apparently my blood is very good at pressurizing itself, because the nurses always comment on how good my BP is. Nurse Mary asked me how I was feeling and marked a few things down in my chart. She then threw a little sheet at me and said, "the good appointments are the ones where you don't have to take your clothes off. You're done with the good appointments."

This is where things started to go downhill...

After a few minutes of awkward wait time, the doctor came in. She started with the usual feeling around my abdomen (from the outside) and measuring my growing bump.

She then put on a rubber glove that, according to Will, may have gone "up to the elbow," and proceeded to begin the internal exam. I must say, I was generally prepared for discomfort and awkwardness. I was not, however, prepared for it to hurt like *insert expletive of your choice* NOR was I prepared for the doctor to be casually asking us about our Thanksgiving plans during, shall we say... intimate moment. It's rather difficult to discuss turkey and cranberry sauce while being violated by someone who hasn't even bought you dinner first.

After she finished taking any shred of modesty I had left, a nurse came in check the baby's heartbeat, which was unusually fast. My doctor explained, "I guess I surprised him when I turned his head!"

That makes two of us, lady. Seriously? She actually reached in *there* and touched my baby's head! Is that the craziest thing you've ever heard or what? I'm pretty sure if she had gone just a bit farther, she could have touched my tonsils.

The good news...I was officially one centimeter dilated and 50% effaced. Progress. (I made those clicky links in case you want to learn all about what's happening inside my body at the moment. You're welcome. Don't feel bad, I had to explain it to Will after the doctor left the room.)

Later that evening, Will was talking to his dad on the phone and said, "She's at one centimeter and her face thing is at 50%."

And ever since he found out we are making progress toward labor, he's been on high alert.

Example: I get up to pee in the middle of the night. I come back, he jumps up and says, "Are you ok???"
I get up to pee every night!

Example: I'm sitting on the couch and say "Ow!" He says, "Are you ok??? What's wrong???"
I'm ok. The dog stepped on my foot. Calm down.

Last night I told him maybe we needed a trigger word, and he agreed.

So you should all be prepared. If we're hanging out and I scream WATERMELON!... it's go time.


  1. OMG i love it, congratulations i will be awaiting for more updates.. erin and 9 week old peanut in cali xx

  2. If you get up and scream Honeydew, I'm not going anywhere!

  3. LOL! Freaking hilarious!

  4. OMFG, i seriously just peed a little reading this. HAHAHAHAAAAAAA. I can just imagine Will and I love it.

    I can't wait to meet your baby bump. And don't worry, I will wait until he comes out, I won't stick my head up there to see him. :)