Belly Rubs for Everyone

Lately, it has become apparent that my child is taking on a few qualities of the family pets. Maybe more than a few. Maybe there is an alarming number of similarities between Holden and Nick, the family dog. I'll let you decide.

Reasons why I may need to buy Holden's Birthday Presents at Petco...

1. My kid LOVES watching cars drive by. He will sit on the porch all day looking like he's at a tennis match as the cars go past the house. The dog also likes to sit on the porch and watch cars go by. If Holden was faster, they might chase them down the street together, too. I'll really worry if they both start barking at the mailman.

2. They both beg for food. And I thought the dog was bad! Hah! He's got nothing on Holden, for two main reasons. First, Holden doesn't understand "sit" or "lay down" yet (we're working on it), so it's very difficult to stop him from crawling right up to me, standing up right by my leg, and making little grunting noises until I give him whatever I have. That's the other thing - both baby and dog will beg and beg having no clue what I'm eating. It could be liver, or brains, or nails...they want it! 

3. This one was truer for the dog when he was younger - but CHEWING! The other day, I found Holden literally chewing a rawhide. Please don't call CYS, I swear it was clean(ish). You're probably thinking, "yeah, but dogs chew on furniture and shoes, babies don't do that! - Well think again, friend. I've caught Holden chewing on my sneakers and a DOOR for the love of your favorite deity!

4. They both like belly rubs, for realz.

5. They both greet you at the door. Well, they would if we ever left the baby home alone (I swear, we don't). For example, if we are downstairs when Will gets home, as soon as he starts coming down the stairs, they race to him and if Holden could, he'd be jumping up and down. Since he hasn't mastered that skills yet, he flails his arms and legs widly. Close enough. If the dog could flail, he totally would. He settles for jumping.

6. Holden is learning facial expressions from the dog. Dog does something bad, I yell, he looks at me all, "but I'm SOOOOOO cute, you can't be mad at little old moi!" (I bet you didn't know that Pit Bulls speak French). Holden does something wrong, I correct him, he looks at me all, "but I'm even cuter than the dog, and you haven't killed him yet! Plus, someday you will no longer have to clean up my poop. Fido over there can't even say that!"


7. I have to clean up after both of their poops. Will you call CYS if I teach Holden to poop in the yard?

8. They both eat things that are totally disgusting. Things I've pulled out of Holden's mouth: rock, piece of cardboard, leaf, dog food. Things I have pulled out of the dog's mouth: rock, piece of cardboard, leaf, the baby's food. You know, my grandma once had a cat and dog who would eat each others food. Her solution was to feed them both cat food one day, and dog food the next. I may try this. Hey, some mom's carry around baggies of cheerios...so what if my kid's will be a different color and smell like bacon, right?

9. Both dog and baby get into things they KNOW they are not supposed to. It's a good thing we keep the bathroom door closed, or they'd both be drinking from the fresh mountain springs of the toilet.

10. Both would like to sleep in my bed, and neither is allowed. They BOTH take up too much room, are blanket hogs, and like to kick me in the ribs.

What do you think? Should I be taking my child to a baby psychiatrist so he can learn how actual humans are supposed to behave, or should I slap a diaper on the dog and take him to the grocery store as my very hairy other child "who looks just like his dad!"


Here's your final thought:

More, please!

My kid loves to eat. I guess that's not surprising given his parents.... and grandparents... and aunts and uncles....and cousins. Ok so Italians love to eat. Jews love to eat. We've created a super food baby.

Seriously though, he shovels in anything you put in front of him. It's like whole wheat toast tastes like cream filled donuts. And why is it so much fun to feed your baby new things? I don't know, but it's true. Garbanzo beans, cheese, broccoli, cookies...the reaction is the same. SHOVEL it in. If it's something really, really good, sometimes we'll hear this little sound come out of him that sounds like "mmmmmmmmmm".

On a normal night, he eats veggies, fruit, plain whole wheat pasta, chicken, you get the idea. Boring stuff.

My mom was in town this weekend, and she, Holden, and I went out for Mexican Friday night. This was the first time I'd taken him out to dinner since he has gotten really good at eating finger foods. He started with Cheerios as an appetizer (from my purse, not the menu). He had some chicken from my burrito, refried beans, guacamole (my mom won't even eat that), cheese, and sour cream. Each time we gave him something to eat, we waited in anticipation for his reaction. Each reaction was the same...Shovel, shovel shovel.

UNTIL...

FRIED ICE CREAM. We decided to order some to share. It only took one bite and Holden was hooked. Instead of just waiting for more, he did his little "I'm so excited I can hardly stand it" kick, kick, kick and shook his little head, mouth open, like a hungry little birdie. This is the most excited I have ever seen this kid. He certainly has his priorities.

The next afternoon, we went to the Strip District to do some shopping. We stopped at Sunseri's for lunch and grabbed some hoagies. I took a meatball out of mine and cut it up for Holden. People doubted that he could finish an entire very large meatball. It was gone in about 5 minutes, along with some of the bun. Smart kid, liking meatballs.

Last night, we gave him hot dogs and baked beans for the first time. It wasn't quite the same as the ice cream, but the kid was COVERED in baked bean sauce by the end of the meal, and looking very pleased with himself. I'm pretty sure there was a piece of hot dog floating in the tub later, but it was well worth it.


The dog is also pretty pleased...both with the new food choices, and Holden's lack of coordination.

No Girls Allowed

I used to think I wanted a little girl. Then Justin Bieber happened.

No seriously. I would like to wholeheartedly apologize to my mother for all of the New Kids on the Block she had to stomach. Did I mention I had a poster that went from floor to ceiling?

I'm quite sure that Holden will develop hobbies/interests that may annoy me at some point in his life. However, I would rather listen to screamy,-power chord-ridden metal than whiny, I'm-cool-because-my-hair-looks-like-I'm-constantly-in-a-sideways-wind-tunnel teeny bopper music.

Here are some more reasons why I am happy to have a little boy. And to those of you who have girls, my deepest sympathies. Send me your address, and I'll send you some earplugs.

*Disclaimer...this list is sure to be full of harsh generalizations. Also, this all goes out the window if my son turns out to be gay. But, at least then I'll have someone to shop with!

10. Someone to dress. Ok, so this probably won't last forever, but chances are I will be able to pick out Holden's clothes far longer than a little girl would let me. Also, Will never lets me dress him in sweater vests, so somebody has to (although, the cats do look good in plaid).

9. We don't have to foot the majority of the bill for the wedding. I think this one needs no further explanation.

8. I don't have to teach Will how to french braid.

7. If my son ever tries out for American Idol, he won't be an annoying Celine Dionesque ballad singer. There's really not much worse than that.

6. Will has future help with yard work. We'll use the bubble mower to convince Holden that mowing the lawn is super fun. Mwahahaha!

5. Boys take fast showers. Our hot water tank is 28 years old. I don't think it could handle another chick in the house.

4. It's just not the same when a little girl grabs a handful of acorns and says, "I'm just looking at my nuts!" (thanks to Zachary Gantner for that quote).

3. No one in my house has pink as a favorite color.

2. I don't have to worry about Will murdering potential boyfriends and burying them in the yard. You know, because he'd throw his back out from all the digging and then I'd have to take care of him.

and the number one reason I'm happy I have a little boy is...

1. With boys, we only have to worry about ONE *insert favorite nickname for male anatomy*. With girls, we'd have to worry about ALL of the *insert favorite nickname for male anatomy* in the world.

My Kid Looks Like Bruce Willis

See?

 

That is all.

I'm Failing at Blogs...

I just logged in to my blog and noticed that the last time I posted was January 13th. Wow, I suck. I knew it had been a while, but I really didn't think it had been THAT long! Also, I'm completely failing at thinking up a hilarious anecdote to write about. So I will continue to work on this, but for now, I'm going to write a response to the last post I wrote...2 months later, with new insight, more sleep, and the return to the world of non-tiny humans.


So here's the update:

1. Re: Breastfeeding. Well, I gave it up upon returning to work. We got to the point where I think Holden just saw nursing as his appetizer, and 20 minutes later he was hungry again, like, every time he ate. SO...we switched to all formula, and...

2. Re: Cluster Feeding...it stopped! Now that we are on all formula, he's full longer. We are both happier for it! Oh, and he eats MUCH faster from a bottle...so now it doesn't feel like eating is all we ever do! Hooray!

3. Re: Binkies...First of all, in our house, it has become known as, "The Binkster." And surprisingly, Holden isn't really a big fan. Occasionally it helps him fall asleep, but he's recently discovered something way better than The Binkster...

The Thumbinator! Much, much better idea...as he can't drop or lose The Thumbinator, and the cats can't steal it!

4. Re: Sleep...I am getting LOTS more of it! I know other moms hate me for this, but I have the best baby in the world when it comes to sleep. At around 2 months old, Holden started sleeping for about 11 hours, with us waking him up just once before we went to bed for a quick feeding. Well, as of about a week ago, we've even dropped that feeding. He sleeps from about 7pm-6am! And when he wakes up to the sound of the coffee pot in the morning, he just lays in bed with The Thumbinator, smiling and laughing at his mobile contentedly until someone comes to get him. It's pretty amazing, and I'm quite sure that by admitting it publicly, I've probably just jinxed myself.

5. Re: Strangers...I guess once your baby looks like a baby and not a tiny little peanut, people chill out a little. At this point, we get a lot of smiles and a couple of "how old?" questions, but people have generally stopped trying to touch Holden without permission. This is a good thing.

6. Re: Noises & Bodily Functions...yeah there really hasn't been much change here. He still puts frat boys to shame. He's getting better at the keg stands too.

7. Re: The "Fountain"...yeah that still happens. The good news is that it's not nearly as often. The bad news is that because it's not as often, it's much more of a surprise, and I am less prepared with the quick reflexes! Also, he can hold more in there at a time, which never ends well...

8. Re: Preparedness... Oh we've got this one down now! I'm pretty sure that every time we leave the house, we could probably all 3 survive on what is in the diaper bag for at least 3 days. Bring it on, apocalypse!

9. Re: Faces...He still makes the BEST faces. And now, they've gotten even better! He actually smiles! On purpose! Even his sad face is adorable:

10. Re: Baby clothes... Cute things on the butt and feet are still a major bonus, as are ears. I don't think this one will get any less cute for quite a while. Now if he's 19 and still wearing hoodies with bunny ears, we may have a problem. But for now, I'm going with it.


The most amazing change though, is that he's gone from this:

3 Weeks Old

To this...

3 Months Old

Revelations

I know it has taken me forever to start posting again, what can I say, I've been just a bit busy! I am working on my side of the birth story, but I am waiting for Will to do the same so we can post them together. So for now, I'm just going to move on with the posts.

I'm feeling another list post. So here are some revelations that I've made so far. These might be good notes to take for those of you who plan on having babies in the future. For those of you who have been there and done that, feel free to comment with some additional tidbits of information!

1. Quite frankly, breast feeding sucks. (Gasp!) I know it's supposed to be a bonding experience, and feel completely natural... blah blah, yada, blah. In my opinion, that's crap. What no one tells you is that it's extremely inconvenient, uncomfortable, messy, and sometimes lonely. I'm sure it's not this way for everyone, but this has been my experience. Of course, it is the best thing for the baby, so I'll keep doing it for now. But, I completely understand why people give up on it.

2. This one is related to the first... when they tell you that babies eat every 2 hours, what they don't mention is that a) it might take 30 minutes for the baby to eat and b) the 2 hours is from the time they start eating, not the time they stop. So, let's say baby is hungry and it's 12:00. It takes you 15 minutes to get the diaper changed, get whatever supplies you need, and get settled, then 30 minutes for mealtime. Then, it might be another 15 minutes for burping, possibly another diaper change, cleaning up, etc. So it's now 1:00, and at 2:00, you have to start all over again.

In addition to that, there's this thing that no one ever tells you about called "Cluster Feeding." Not all babies do it, but luckily for me, mine does! In the evenings, for about 3-4 hours, he just wants to eat nonstop. We go through the whole process above, and maybe he's content for 20 minutes, and then acts like he hasn't eaten in hours. Basically, I'm stuck on the couch exposing myself the whole evening. This will hopefully stop soon - maybe it signals a growth spurt - I don't know, but it certainly makes it difficult to get anything done, or have visitors in the evenings!

3. When I was pregnant, Will and I decided we would not give Holden a binky (paci, nuk, or whatever you want to call it). We agreed that we didn't want to have to deal with breaking him of the habit, and the easiest way to do that seemed to be to just never get him started! HA! What a joke! When Holden was in the NICU, the nurses gave gave him a binkie. He looked so vulnerable in his little box under the lights, so I was ok with him having one. After all, he didn't have anything else to comfort him in there. Well, just that one night got him hooked. He claims he can stop any time, and it's just for fun, but I don't believe it! The little ninja even stole his NICU binky! Ok, so maybe we just didn't take it out of his mouth when we put him in the car seat, but I still think he had something to do with it.

Just so you know...binkies are, in fact, your friend. Especially when you need a break during one of the episodes mentioned in #2.

4. I can function on much less sleep than I ever thought possible. I have always been the kind of person who needs those full 8 hours of sleep in order to be allowed to enter society. 8 hours of sleep! HA! I can't remember the last time I got that much sleep, uninterrupted. These days, I am excited if I get 5 hours before waking up to feed Holden. And if I get another 2 after that, I feel like I could run a marathon!

5. Strangers are obsessed with babies. You hear horror stories about strangers approaching pregnant women in the grocery store and feeling them up while asking inappropriate questions. Well, once the baby is on the outside, you don't have to worry about the strangers feeling you up anymore. Now the baby is the target! Seriously, last week I went to FedEx Kinkos to send a fax and mail something. Holden was in his car on the floor next to me while I filled out paperwork. I think every employee in the place came out to inspect my baby. One lady even turned the car seat around and pulled his blanket down to get a better look! WTF? The following questions and comments came from all around, it was like a firing squad. "How much did he weigh?" "He's soooo tiny!" "What's his name?" "Oh, I like that name!" "Is he a good sleeper?" "Is he a good baby?" And the list goes on...

Just an FYI, here are the answers to those questions:

"He weighed 5 pounds, 13 ounces at birth. Yes, I know he's tiny, newborns generally are. No, he was not a preemie. No, there's nothing wrong with me or him. He's just small. My family makes small babies. Personally, that's a gene I'm happy to inherit!"

"His name is Holden. What, you like that name? Oh thank God, because I was really worried about what complete strangers would think of my kid's name." (I understand that people might just be trying to give me a compliment here, but they often say this in an 'I approve' tone.)

"Is he a good sleeper? If I tell you no, are you going to offer to come to my house and get up during the night with him? No, you are just going to tell me about YOUR babies and what great sleepers they were. Thanks for rubbing it in and telling me unsolicited stories, person I do not know."

"Is he a good baby? Well, no...he's disrespectful, rude, talks back, sneaks out of the house at night, and insults my cooking."

*Please do not take offense if you have asked strangers these questions. I've done it, too*


6. I never knew that such a tiny person could make so much noise, and I'm not talking about crying.  Belching, farting, pooping so loud we can hear it across the room... he puts frat boys to shame. His keg stands are pretty impressive too.

7. No matter how prepared you think you are for the diaper change, the baby WILL use his little ninja skills to pee on you, himself, the outfit you just put him in, the outside of the new diaper you just put on him, the changing table, the wall, and the floor. Yes, that much pee can come out of something that small. Oh, and he especially enjoys doing this while he's wrapped in a towel just after his bath. If you don't believe me, feel free to come over and change a diaper or two!

8. No matter how prepared you think you are to leave the house...you're not. The first time we took Holden out, it was for his first doctor's appointment. I put a few things in the diaper bag - 1 or 2 diapers, a tiny trial pack with like 5 wipes in it, and maybe an outfit. When we got to the doctor's, I didn't even bring the bag into the car. I figured...we weren't going to be there long, what could we possibly need? What I didn't know was that we'd have to strip the baby down to completely naked to be weighed. And of course, when we took his diaper off it was dirty (We learn to always bring the bag in). After being weighed, we put a new diaper on him and were told to leave him in just the diaper for the doctor to check him. Well, it took her about 30 minutes to get to the exam room. Poor Holden was cold and screaming the whole time! (Add blankets and binkies to the diaper bag). And, now he's hungry (Add bottles of pumped milk and/or backup formula to bag). And of course, he needed a diaper change within that 30 minutes (Add at least 10 diapers and full pack of wipes to the bag). Then, we notice a sign that says we have to take dirty diapers with us. We never thought about the fact that other people and places would probably rather not have our stinky diapers in their trash (Add plastic bags to diaper bag). THEN...to top it all off, Holden is jaundiced and the doc sends us straight to the hospital for blood work, and as it turns out, admittance to the NICU. Good thing we were able to stop at home on the way and restock. So...moral of the story...always overpack!

9. Every face the kid makes is the most adorable thing I've ever seen. He could be smiling, screaming, making his pouty face (we call it the boo boo face), pooping, eating, sleeping...it doesn't matter, he's always THAT cute. Even at 3:30 a.m. when I've slept for 2 hours. (I may be slightly biased on this one)

10. Baby clothes should ALWAYS have ears and/or animal feet. Cute things on the butt are a major bonus.

Well, this post turned out much longer than I thought. I guess I do have things to talk about. I promise to keep them coming now!