Monday, October 17, 2011

Belly Rubs for Everyone

Lately, it has become apparent that my child is taking on a few qualities of the family pets. Maybe more than a few. Maybe there is an alarming number of similarities between Holden and Nick, the family dog. I'll let you decide.

Reasons why I may need to buy Holden's Birthday Presents at Petco...

1. My kid LOVES watching cars drive by. He will sit on the porch all day looking like he's at a tennis match as the cars go past the house. The dog also likes to sit on the porch and watch cars go by. If Holden was faster, they might chase them down the street together, too. I'll really worry if they both start barking at the mailman.

2. They both beg for food. And I thought the dog was bad! Hah! He's got nothing on Holden, for two main reasons. First, Holden doesn't understand "sit" or "lay down" yet (we're working on it), so it's very difficult to stop him from crawling right up to me, standing up right by my leg, and making little grunting noises until I give him whatever I have. That's the other thing - both baby and dog will beg and beg having no clue what I'm eating. It could be liver, or brains, or nails...they want it! 

3. This one was truer for the dog when he was younger - but CHEWING! The other day, I found Holden literally chewing a rawhide. Please don't call CYS, I swear it was clean(ish). You're probably thinking, "yeah, but dogs chew on furniture and shoes, babies don't do that! - Well think again, friend. I've caught Holden chewing on my sneakers and a DOOR for the love of your favorite deity!

4. They both like belly rubs, for realz.

5. They both greet you at the door. Well, they would if we ever left the baby home alone (I swear, we don't). For example, if we are downstairs when Will gets home, as soon as he starts coming down the stairs, they race to him and if Holden could, he'd be jumping up and down. Since he hasn't mastered that skills yet, he flails his arms and legs widly. Close enough. If the dog could flail, he totally would. He settles for jumping.

6. Holden is learning facial expressions from the dog. Dog does something bad, I yell, he looks at me all, "but I'm SOOOOOO cute, you can't be mad at little old moi!" (I bet you didn't know that Pit Bulls speak French). Holden does something wrong, I correct him, he looks at me all, "but I'm even cuter than the dog, and you haven't killed him yet! Plus, someday you will no longer have to clean up my poop. Fido over there can't even say that!"

7. I have to clean up after both of their poops. Will you call CYS if I teach Holden to poop in the yard?

8. They both eat things that are totally disgusting. Things I've pulled out of Holden's mouth: rock, piece of cardboard, leaf, dog food. Things I have pulled out of the dog's mouth: rock, piece of cardboard, leaf, the baby's food. You know, my grandma once had a cat and dog who would eat each others food. Her solution was to feed them both cat food one day, and dog food the next. I may try this. Hey, some mom's carry around baggies of what if my kid's will be a different color and smell like bacon, right?

9. Both dog and baby get into things they KNOW they are not supposed to. It's a good thing we keep the bathroom door closed, or they'd both be drinking from the fresh mountain springs of the toilet.

10. Both would like to sleep in my bed, and neither is allowed. They BOTH take up too much room, are blanket hogs, and like to kick me in the ribs.

What do you think? Should I be taking my child to a baby psychiatrist so he can learn how actual humans are supposed to behave, or should I slap a diaper on the dog and take him to the grocery store as my very hairy other child "who looks just like his dad!"

Here's your final thought:

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

More, please!

My kid loves to eat. I guess that's not surprising given his parents.... and grandparents... and aunts and uncles....and cousins. Ok so Italians love to eat. Jews love to eat. We've created a super food baby.

Seriously though, he shovels in anything you put in front of him. It's like whole wheat toast tastes like cream filled donuts. And why is it so much fun to feed your baby new things? I don't know, but it's true. Garbanzo beans, cheese, broccoli, cookies...the reaction is the same. SHOVEL it in. If it's something really, really good, sometimes we'll hear this little sound come out of him that sounds like "mmmmmmmmmm".

On a normal night, he eats veggies, fruit, plain whole wheat pasta, chicken, you get the idea. Boring stuff.

My mom was in town this weekend, and she, Holden, and I went out for Mexican Friday night. This was the first time I'd taken him out to dinner since he has gotten really good at eating finger foods. He started with Cheerios as an appetizer (from my purse, not the menu). He had some chicken from my burrito, refried beans, guacamole (my mom won't even eat that), cheese, and sour cream. Each time we gave him something to eat, we waited in anticipation for his reaction. Each reaction was the same...Shovel, shovel shovel.


FRIED ICE CREAM. We decided to order some to share. It only took one bite and Holden was hooked. Instead of just waiting for more, he did his little "I'm so excited I can hardly stand it" kick, kick, kick and shook his little head, mouth open, like a hungry little birdie. This is the most excited I have ever seen this kid. He certainly has his priorities.

The next afternoon, we went to the Strip District to do some shopping. We stopped at Sunseri's for lunch and grabbed some hoagies. I took a meatball out of mine and cut it up for Holden. People doubted that he could finish an entire very large meatball. It was gone in about 5 minutes, along with some of the bun. Smart kid, liking meatballs.

Last night, we gave him hot dogs and baked beans for the first time. It wasn't quite the same as the ice cream, but the kid was COVERED in baked bean sauce by the end of the meal, and looking very pleased with himself. I'm pretty sure there was a piece of hot dog floating in the tub later, but it was well worth it.

The dog is also pretty pleased...both with the new food choices, and Holden's lack of coordination.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

No Girls Allowed

I used to think I wanted a little girl. Then Justin Bieber happened.

No seriously. I would like to wholeheartedly apologize to my mother for all of the New Kids on the Block she had to stomach. Did I mention I had a poster that went from floor to ceiling?

I'm quite sure that Holden will develop hobbies/interests that may annoy me at some point in his life. However, I would rather listen to screamy,-power chord-ridden metal than whiny, I'm-cool-because-my-hair-looks-like-I'm-constantly-in-a-sideways-wind-tunnel teeny bopper music.

Here are some more reasons why I am happy to have a little boy. And to those of you who have girls, my deepest sympathies. Send me your address, and I'll send you some earplugs.

*Disclaimer...this list is sure to be full of harsh generalizations. Also, this all goes out the window if my son turns out to be gay. But, at least then I'll have someone to shop with!

10. Someone to dress. Ok, so this probably won't last forever, but chances are I will be able to pick out Holden's clothes far longer than a little girl would let me. Also, Will never lets me dress him in sweater vests, so somebody has to (although, the cats do look good in plaid).

9. We don't have to foot the majority of the bill for the wedding. I think this one needs no further explanation.

8. I don't have to teach Will how to french braid.

7. If my son ever tries out for American Idol, he won't be an annoying Celine Dionesque ballad singer. There's really not much worse than that.

6. Will has future help with yard work. We'll use the bubble mower to convince Holden that mowing the lawn is super fun. Mwahahaha!

5. Boys take fast showers. Our hot water tank is 28 years old. I don't think it could handle another chick in the house.

4. It's just not the same when a little girl grabs a handful of acorns and says, "I'm just looking at my nuts!" (thanks to Zachary Gantner for that quote).

3. No one in my house has pink as a favorite color.

2. I don't have to worry about Will murdering potential boyfriends and burying them in the yard. You know, because he'd throw his back out from all the digging and then I'd have to take care of him.

and the number one reason I'm happy I have a little boy is...

1. With boys, we only have to worry about ONE *insert favorite nickname for male anatomy*. With girls, we'd have to worry about ALL of the *insert favorite nickname for male anatomy* in the world.