Lately, it has become apparent that my child is taking on a few qualities of the family pets. Maybe more than a few. Maybe there is an alarming number of similarities between Holden and Nick, the family dog. I'll let you decide.
Reasons why I may need to buy Holden's Birthday Presents at Petco...
1. My kid LOVES watching cars drive by. He will sit on the porch all day looking like he's at a tennis match as the cars go past the house. The dog also likes to sit on the porch and watch cars go by. If Holden was faster, they might chase them down the street together, too. I'll really worry if they both start barking at the mailman.
2. They both beg for food. And I thought the dog was bad! Hah! He's got nothing on Holden, for two main reasons. First, Holden doesn't understand "sit" or "lay down" yet (we're working on it), so it's very difficult to stop him from crawling right up to me, standing up right by my leg, and making little grunting noises until I give him whatever I have. That's the other thing - both baby and dog will beg and beg having no clue what I'm eating. It could be liver, or brains, or nails...they want it!
3. This one was truer for the dog when he was younger - but CHEWING! The other day, I found Holden literally chewing a rawhide. Please don't call CYS, I swear it was clean(ish). You're probably thinking, "yeah, but dogs chew on furniture and shoes, babies don't do that! - Well think again, friend. I've caught Holden chewing on my sneakers and a DOOR for the love of your favorite deity!
4. They both like belly rubs, for realz.
5. They both greet you at the door. Well, they would if we ever left the baby home alone (I swear, we don't). For example, if we are downstairs when Will gets home, as soon as he starts coming down the stairs, they race to him and if Holden could, he'd be jumping up and down. Since he hasn't mastered that skills yet, he flails his arms and legs widly. Close enough. If the dog could flail, he totally would. He settles for jumping.
6. Holden is learning facial expressions from the dog. Dog does something bad, I yell, he looks at me all, "but I'm SOOOOOO cute, you can't be mad at little old moi!" (I bet you didn't know that Pit Bulls speak French). Holden does something wrong, I correct him, he looks at me all, "but I'm even cuter than the dog, and you haven't killed him yet! Plus, someday you will no longer have to clean up my poop. Fido over there can't even say that!"
7. I have to clean up after both of their poops. Will you call CYS if I teach Holden to poop in the yard?
8. They both eat things that are totally disgusting. Things I've pulled out of Holden's mouth: rock, piece of cardboard, leaf, dog food. Things I have pulled out of the dog's mouth: rock, piece of cardboard, leaf, the baby's food. You know, my grandma once had a cat and dog who would eat each others food. Her solution was to feed them both cat food one day, and dog food the next. I may try this. Hey, some mom's carry around baggies of cheerios...so what if my kid's will be a different color and smell like bacon, right?
9. Both dog and baby get into things they KNOW they are not supposed to. It's a good thing we keep the bathroom door closed, or they'd both be drinking from the fresh mountain springs of the toilet.
10. Both would like to sleep in my bed, and neither is allowed. They BOTH take up too much room, are blanket hogs, and like to kick me in the ribs.
What do you think? Should I be taking my child to a baby psychiatrist so he can learn how actual humans are supposed to behave, or should I slap a diaper on the dog and take him to the grocery store as my very hairy other child "who looks just like his dad!"
Here's your final thought: